The Importance of Self Love

The Importance of self love.

In today’s world there is much more selfishness than selflessness, or self love.

There is also the confusion of self love being selfish.

As children we are typically taught to give to others, and to be kind to others.

While we should definitely practice this in our daily lives, what happens when we are not taught to do the same for ourselves?

We’re left with scars, we’re left with trauma, and we’re left with the wounds that won’t seem to heal. All because we were taught to give only to others, and when we are led to believe that only others matter, the emotional spin of inner turmoil and chaos begin because our mind will tell us that we don’t matter.

Few are taught how to heal from emotional trauma. Few are taught how to love ourselves in those sensitive places needing emotional healing within.

Everyone on the planet suffers from some form of emotional pain of their past. Because those wounds aren’t loved on by the love we have within our selves,  we go through life with these unhealed wounds and project the fear and pain on others. We tend to do this because since we weren’t taught how to love ourselves,  we believe that the only way to be healed or loved is through an outside source. Yet because we didn’t heal those wounds on our own, within our selves, then the process of our inner pain continues in a pattern that we’ve grown accustomed to.  Pain and fear.

Because we then live in pain and fear of outside relationships, yet seek our healing from an outside relationship, and when those wounds don’t heal, we begin to blame others for our pain and continue the cycle of internal unhealing that we bring into our future. Our future of continuing to live in emotional pain and blame as to why we aren’t healed yet by anyone other than ourselves.

We can’t expect an internal healing, from an external source. Especially when most sources are already in their own emotionally unavailable suffering.

Sure, we can be loved and feel better about ourselves,  but until we go within ourselves and heal our wounds, no outside source is able to.

“When I was a little girl, I couldn’t say that I had the best, or stable, emotional upbringing. 

Did I have a great childhood? Of course I did!

When we are children we already love ourselves and love exploring the world around us.

Yet there was also the other side of my life, the side where I saw the wounded human.

Between many events of my father physically abusing my mother for the first 9 years of my life, and 2 years of molestation from a babysitter my parents would often hire, it’s a blessing to me to have been able to recover from all of that.

Thus leading to my parents divorce and an onslaught of women and men coming in and out of my father or my mothers homes for long or short periods of time. 

I never hated that this was my childhood but as I got older, when I started questioning WHY? Was when I got my answers.

That was when I learned that everyone, EVERYONE,  suffered from emotional pain. 

In the case of my molester, I first had to forgive, and by no means did it mean that the act was okay,  nor that I had forgotten.  I had chose to no longer hold the pain of it in my heart, and that for whatever reasons that I didn’t know of, he was emotionally wounded too.

As for the abuse between my parents,  I met them on an adult level and realized the emotional damage they too had went through in their own lives and none of it had anything to do with me.”

What I’ve come to understand from all of this, is that we have to learn to love ourselves in those places that hurt within and that those that have hurt us are emotionally wounded as well and oftentimes have so much pain within, that the realization that they are hurting others in the process is unknown to them.

In loving ourselves,  we also have to be aware of emotional trauma that we have inflicted on our selves. And yes, we do that. Most times we are our biggest inflictor of our own pain.

So what is the importance of self love?

If we aren’t loving, healing and forgiving those parts of us that feel unloved, unhealed and unforgiven, what we are actually doing is being selfish as it causes more infliction projected onto other’s which creates more infliction within.

Giving into self love is the biggest act of selflessness that we can do. We have went within and felt our wounds,  our suffering,  our pain and healed from within. We don’t project them on others, instead we help others learn how to find their own healing within.

Selfishness is living in unhealed trauma and projecting it on our world around us.

Self love is the greatest act of selflessness.

When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed.”

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